A Children’s Story


Once there were three bears. One bear made them some oatmeal. The oatmeal was too hot, so they went for a walk while it cooled.

Meanwhile, a trespasser, Goldilocks by name, thought it would do her well to eat this cooling oatmeal.

The first bowl was too hot. She let it lie.

The second was cold, shittily cold, so she also let it lie.

The third bowl not only was just right temperature-wise, but perfectly seasoned with salt and cinnamon, and just enough sugar. She finished the bowl.

The bears came back. Little Bear cried because his breakfast was gone. Papa Bear fumed since his salary at Bear Factory scarcely covered essentials. Mama Bear’s face contorted unnaturally due to Little Bear’s tears.

So she mauled the intruder. Goldilocks learned a valuable lesson just before her painful death: don’t mess with a mama bear’s cub.

The bears were later happy at this turn of events, for had they not been robbed they would not have been able to have meat for breakfast, meat they could ill afford on Papa Bear’s salary.